The idea of going back home to Belarus has found its permanent place in my head long time ago. It has been peacefully residing somewhere on subconscious level of my mind for the past several years. At the beginning of my life in the U.S. it was driving me insane...

The aspiration finally occupied my entire mind. I believe this desire to be able to go back home gave me substantial motivation for all my goals and ambitions in this country. After awhile, I learned how to restrain this intention and how to hide it from cheerful and always smiley American friends, which did not necessarily mean that this desire became weaker. It has always been in the back of my head. You have to go back to you routs one day.

So, driven by this idea for the past five years I finally got this chance to see my home land, my city, friends and family. Here it is – the day I am flying home. What do I feel? It is not easy to explain this blend of feelings I have: excitement, happiness, and fear. I am happy I am going home. I am going to see people I grew up with, whose influence built the foundation of my values, beliefs, and goals in my life. But what if I have changed as well as my friends and family have? Will we be able to understand each other the way we used to? And if I have changed, will they accept this new me? How is life there? Are people still poor? So many questions are going through my head right now that I can not concentrate on the usual airport routine that every passenger has to go through. Why have I never thought about it before? The answer is simple. I am becoming an American. I am too self- involved and busy with my own life, career and never-lasting relationships… I know how to stop this madness in my mind. Just fall asleep and wake up at home. Oh God!!! How many times I had this dream, the dream of me going home. I dreamed about it more than ever during the first year of my life in the U.S. Just get into your seat and relax…

Moscow.

Sheremetyevo is now a busy airport with planes arriving from all over the world, bringing in and out thousands of people everyday. It became one of the most prevalent airports in the world. But there is one distinctive feature of Sheremetyevo. It has something in the air something that I would call a “post communism breeze.”

Marble walls, lack of technological advancement, uniform of the custom officers, lack of smiles or any other positive emotions on their faces, but the main distinction is absurdly long wait at the passport control point. Yes, this is the first impression of the Russian Federation - long lines at the border and rude officers looking at you with prejudice and suspicion. May be they are not used to so many visitors and are very tired of their daily routine. Well, this unpleasant experience at the border is not going to ruin my journey.

I am now officially in Russia. The airport is chaos as well as the train station. While airport is expected to be judged by foreign guests, the train station is not, therefore it does not try to impress its guests with fancy information desks or clean waiting areas.

Well, I have to say that I am tired and may not be able to judge objectively. So I leave it for now and let time prove my observations and conclusions.

Though the government is able to maintain relatively inexpensive train ticket prices, which makes travel by train affordable for almost every social class in Russia, it becomes less attractive to the upper class society due to quite poor interior features of the old “Soviet” train cars. I suspect some of them do not comply with the safety regulations and could be considered hazardous. But I don’t plan on becoming a high maintenance bitch who always complains about any kind of inconvenience. Moreover, I can say that I love these old trains, because I grew up traveling with my dad all over the former USSR. I miss those long journeys we had to take due to my dad’s businesses. Traveling by train offers you a unique opportunity to see the beauty of Belarusian nature. My home country Belarus, has these unforgettable landscape scenes that I will never mistake with anything else. I think even the colors of the trees, grass, and skies are richer and brighter.

Minsk appeared to me a very warm and welcoming city. I am home. Everything seems to be the same: massive brownish yellow color buildings rising above busy streets, blocking the sunlight and hiding years of history in their walls, hundreds of doves circling above constantly looking for food, and people walking, running and just minding their own businesses on the streets.

After a certain time of my stay, I started to notice some changes in the city life. It is unclear which way this country wants to go. They try to build a democracy, but at the same time I’ve got a feeling that they are at the stage of rebirth of communism’s ideas. At the first glance city looks like one of the Eastern European capitals, but after several discussions with the locals you realize that there is a huge wall of misunderstanding and fear of unknown between Europe and this small country. Belarus reminds me of a little puppy that tries to find comfort and protection from Mother Russia and because of it, Russia can play manipulative games with its silly puppy. It’s interesting, but the majority of Belarusians are highly educated people with great innovative ideas, goals and insights. However, the greater majority of these people are afraid of consequences of bringing these ideas up and taking the initiative to lead the country out of its regime crisis. The government has implemented severe laws and sanctions against those who disagree.

One of the reasons of this crisis is the unbalanced age distribution among the population. The proportion of older people is a lot greater than younger ones; therefore, older people have the majority of votes. Obviously, they enjoyed their lives back then in the Soviet Republic of Belarus, just because they were young and did not see any better, and for this reason they do want to go back in time to that fairy tale of “pure communism.” Good for us, the time machine has not been invented yet…

Belaruska